It has been months since I last wrote. M.o.n.t.h.s. It feels like years. Since I last wrote, divorce was finalized, I fell in loke (past like, maybe not quite love), had sex that was earth changing. Seriously. Ya, I know-not my wisest move but....ddddaaaaammmmmnnnnn said in huge southern drawl... Woke a beast in me.
And then I got cancer.
Cancer.
And the loke of my life had too much baggage attached to that and ran for the flippin hills. Heartbreak. Wasn't ready for another loss.
And in that same season, people I love beyond words also walked out of my life. Walked away, no turning back. More loss. Gut wrenching loss...
I have lost more and more and more until a strange thing happened.....I remembered ME. And I learned-okay continually learning-to only own my crap and not theirs. That is huge. Like astronomically, infinitely, amazingly, stupendously HUGE.
I LEARNED IT IS NOT, let me repeat NOT SELFISH TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. No matter how much everyone else tells you it is. No one else is going to do it!!
I fought deep, suicidal, scary depression for awhile after surgery. And even though now I still feel that heartbreak everyday, I stand taller. And I might be kind of a hard hearted bitch who don't take no shit from nobody lol....
...ya not really, but I am definitely a different person than I was 6 months ago.
Totally different person.
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