Happy Survival Weekend

Antiversary weekend. Oh joy. The 29th is 3 days away. I understand the phrase 'swirling the drain' in a whole new way. I am tired of hating her. I am trying to forget her. I am tired of turmoil in my life. I am tired of believing what my husband says......until that moment I doubt everything. I am tired. I am alone this weekend (on purpose). What do I do with myself?? I don't want to wallow. I want to to live in THIS moment. But I feel like I am swirling the darn drain, completely out of control of my emotions and sadness and memories and......and honestly I am thankful for so many things. It is such a strange place to be-suffocating in hurt and yet recognizing how blessed I am that I have a God who is absolutely holding me up, blessing me in ways that only He knows how. I am blessed. Really. Well maybe that is what I need to focus on this weekend. Screw (no pun intended...or maybe a little pun intended ahaha) what happened and celebrate the fact I survived the last year and just keep remembering that when I think I can't survive the next. God is faithful. He will never leave me. He will never forsake me. Happy survival weekend......