Rainbows and butterflies

Construction is done on my place.....well at least the big messy stuff. Everything is put away FINALLY and cleaned up. I start work in just over a week. I made plans for my birthday that don't include him. Sitting in the front yard breathing ocean air with my sweatshirt on, a dog in my lap, another at my feet, a glass of wine, Trader Joe's white cheddar popcorn (dinner of champions right there). I am starting over. Two feet in....yet my heart is breaking. Will I have to fake this life forever? Will I ever have joy again? Uggggg.....both feet into this new life, Lord please let my heart follow.