Sooooooo I am a week and a half away from the antiversary. I am 4 days away from my birthday. I don't have to work for the next 4 days. Hence.......I am drunk. Well maybe not drunk....tipsy and I have to pee. Costco grapefruit margarita tonight. Alone....pathetic. I am so filled with hate and....conviction to forgive. I don't want to. I want to hurt her but realize I can never ever ever hurt her a fraction of how much her actions contributed to my hurt. I don't want to hate her anymore. She is gum on the bottom of my shoe. She was just a symptom of a broken man, if not her it would have been someone else.she was just a cum bucket, an escape for a weak man who couldn't face reality. Yet a year later, when her name pops up as following me on Pintrest, I lose it. Why? Why would she still be stalking me?? What does she hope to see? I need to be free of this hate. It is eating me alive and doing NOTHING to her. And so tonight I drink....too much. And hate my life. And am sad. And cussing.
Antiversary wish? Forget she exists. Forget this date. Not hurt anymore. Or geez, less than almost all the time.....
Birthday wish?? Be happy again. Have a life again. Not be pathetic anymore.....dang which wish to choose......I choose costco grapefruit margarita. With ice.
1 comment:
You are so lovely. I'm sorry that you are in this hell hole. It's like being on a continuous rollercoaster which runs through the house of horrors. I understand your hate. I have it myself for the Pig-Shit that wanted my husband. I look forward, in hope, to the day when I can feel complete disinterest in the bitch because I know that she doesn't deserve my energy. I'll have a glass of wine later and toast to your future. You are not on your own. There are so many of us here, trying to heal from infidelity.
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