Sick Day

I took a sick day from work. Haven't used a single sick day in a year. Took one today....to find an f-ing lawyer so I could end my f-ing life.  I am sad beyond words. Beyond words. I cannot go on. I don't know how. I love him. I hate who he has become. I can't breathe. I can't eat. I don't want to breathe. I don't want to eat. I sound suicidal. I honestly am not.  I am just so heartbroken.

The same day I was served divorce papers, I got mail from the court saying he had pushed this off, filed a motion saying he wanted this moved to the inactive, dead, dormant file. You know-not really wanting to do this, really actually love my wife but don't know how to fix this file. Well in his next breath, he went forward. Threw me away like trash. Trash.....and I am so heartbroken I cannot breathe. So I write to you....my imaginary friend, who won't judge, or walk away because MY opinion on my life is contrary to what you think I should feel, do, say.

And I am heartbroken. And I don't know how to keep breathing. And my everything? Well he threw me away like trash.

So I took a sick day today. My first. In over a year. Because I cannot function. I want to go to bed and never wake up. My best friend, my better half, my person....my only person.....threw me away.