So I just realized something. I am living the same life I have lived the past few years, only without the lie in my head that I am loved and happily married. I can't live this way anymore. ...eating up the crumbs from his table, believing every tiny morsel of hope yet ignoring the elephant of neglect.
What does this mean?
Do I want a divorce?? No. I cannot say that.
Do I want to move back in with him? No and no again. Will not do that either.
So what does this mean?
I do not know. I am just praying....a lot. And though I have no idea what God is doing in his heart, I do see the changes in my own. And honestly, I don't know how I feel about those changes.
Would I be better off without him, even though I made a covenant promise to God for forever? Yet God says he broke that promise and in God's love for me, I can divorce him.
Am I doubting that God can restore anything-no matter how broken??
No. I KNOW that God can restore this marriage to what HE intended all along and I really think He wants to.
All that said, He also gave my husband free will and maybe He is protecting me, sheltering me, loving me BY ending this marriage??
Confused.
So today, I will worry about today. It has enough of its own stinking worries.
Can I get an amen? ...and some help actually doing that please??
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